Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
