Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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