so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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