In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
