Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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