Ambien. No doubt about it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
