so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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