TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
PANTIES FOUND
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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