After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize