people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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