i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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