Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Soap is not a condiment
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
