i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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