I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
