Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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