Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
