You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
