Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
