You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
