omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
