It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
