There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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