i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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