id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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