Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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