like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
