I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
