I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
