Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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