Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
