its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
