She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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