Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
