why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
