We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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