new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
