I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
