In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
