were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
