Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
