what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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