She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
