singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
