his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
