Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
