Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
