We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
