The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She's the barista slut.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
