Please, let me fuck your mom
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
