Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
