He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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