You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
