he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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