Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I cut my penus on the lid.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
