I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
