ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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