I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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