The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it penis luge time yet?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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