I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
