"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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