the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
