I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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