I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You made out with two different species that night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
