I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
