the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize