I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
