he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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