the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sext me about skeletons
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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