Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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