Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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