the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
