I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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