Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't deserve a penis
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
