I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
