i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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