so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
