dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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