my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
