Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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