I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
