OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
