I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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