Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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